I'm not going to lie, it's tough being a mom, handling a full time job and a bleeding disorder! There have been times where I just wanted to lock myself in my room, turn on my favorite song on full blast on my radio and not worry about anything. Realistically, that wouldn't work! Eventually, I would have to come out of my room and face reality. Don't let me full you by my calmness. The calm has come after plenty of Thunderstorms for me.
At the beginning, I struggled a lot letting go and delegating. Especially when it came to handling the boys bleeding disorder. I'm not sure how other mom's feel about this, but my thoughts were, if I don't do it, it's not going to get done right. If I let my husband infuse them, he's probably going to forget or he's not going to do it right. So, I took on the whole responsiblity. I resented my husband, because occasionally he had time to enjoy a game of golf with his buddies. Eventually I got caregivers burn out. I didn't know that existed. My PCP had a lengthy talk with me and basically told me, I needed to share the responsibilities. I needed to re-group and understand it was ok, to have fun and enjoy "me" time.
I slowly started my journey of taking care of my well-being. My husband and I began dating again. We would try and go out by ourselves at least once a month, and re-connect with each other. I've always had an amazing group of girlfriends who have been my support since we were in our late teens. We started having girls night out, not as often as we would have liked but often enough. We enjoyed venting and talking about our daily ordeals. I learned they might not be dealing with the bleeding disorder, like I was, but our family and marriage lives did have some things in common. I started feeling whole and refreshed again. I found time to venture into my favorite hobby again, reading! I must admit, I cheated with the boys bedtime hours sometimes. I tricked them into bed maybe 10 minutes before their usual time, so I could sneak some t.v. time with the hubby and then enjoy the next chapter in the book.
What I have learnend in my wonderful 13 years as a mom, it doesn't mean you love your kids any less, by taking care of yourself! They will appreciate a happy, healthy mom a lot more. Let dad take control every now and then, it empowers them and helps you!
